


When you can't sleep at night

by Wallflower181202



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A hint of fluff, Cuddling, Did you really think I would write a story without projecting?, He/Him pronouns for Remus, He/They pronouns for Sirius, Hugging, Hyperventilating, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, M/M, One Shot, Remus' anxiety is briefly mentioned, Self Harm Scars, Sirius has a nightmare and goes to Remus, Wolfstar is the only valid ship, comforting remus, minor flashback, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallflower181202/pseuds/Wallflower181202
Summary: Like it says in the tags: Sirius has a nightmare and goes to Remus.Read the tags for trigger warnings! Take care of yourselves.Inspired by all the similar stories that are on this website.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 57





	When you can't sleep at night

Sirius wakes up, panting, drenched in sweat. They shoot upright in their bed, sheets clinging to their skin, tears warm on their cheeks. He gasps for breath, willing his lungs to please to their fucking job and give him oxygen. With ragged breaths, he tries to calm himself down. Flashbacks of what has been flash before his eyes and his mothers’ cruel voice rings into his ears, plunging him back in the darkness of the past.

_They hold themselves up in the doorway, feel the blood trickle down their face, down their back, onto the floor. Their vision is blurry their ears ring. Slowly their mother's livid face swims back into vision, accompanied by her screaming voice, accusing them of being all that is bad in the world. They take a ragged breath, but they cannot muster the energy to give a retort. Why should he? She is probably right. “You are no son of mine. Crucio!” They scream as pain runs through their body, turning their veins into fire, melting his skin. They fall onto the cold kitchen tile, curling into a ball. Black creeps into the edges of their vision. The clicking of their mother’s heels is the last thing they hear before the darkness takes over, and all left is pain._

The sound of his own scream throws him back into the present. Back into his four-poster bed in the Gryffindor dorm, he shares with James, Peter and Remus. Remus. He needs to get to Remus. He clambers out of bed, and stumbling he makes his way to where he knows his boyfriend is. His legs shake too much to walk properly, and he collapses on Remus’s bed, and by consequence also on Remus who startles away with a yelp. “What the fuck, who is this? Sirius?”. Still, on the verge of hyperventilating, Sirius can’t do much more than suppress a sob and move so he sits up against the headboard, allowing Remus to move so he is in front of him. It doesn’t take longer than a second for Remus’s warm hands to be on his face, stroking his hair and wiping the tears from his cheeks. “Okay sweetheart, you are kind of panicking right now. So, let’s first try to get your breathing under control, and then we can talk about what happened. Okay?” Sirius can’t do much more than nod, still fighting the urge to completely fall apart in Remus’ arms. “In one two three, and out one two three four. In… one, two, three… and out one two three four. Good job sweetheart, you are doing amazing”.

Slowly Remus’s voice calms Sirius’ breathing and brings him back to the present. His ragged breaths calm down, and the blind panic he was in a couple minutes ago is leaving him. He drops his head on Remus’s shoulder and squeezes his eyes shut, mentally willing those stupid tears to stop falling. Remus has his arms wrapped tightly around him, as he is trying to keep Sirius from falling apart with his arms. “Did you have a nightmare?” Remus asks? “Yeah” Sirius mumbles, the words muffled by Remus’s shirt, which is technically one of Sirius’ hoodies. “Do you want to talk about it?” Remus asks, his hands now slowly trailing Sirius’s back, drawing endless circles. It is only them that Sirius notices how exhausted Remus sounds. Fuck. Fuck. Remus has his own worries, with his anxieties nibbling away at him every day. Remus needs his sleep, Sirius knows that. Sirius knows what happens if his boyfriend does not get enough sleep. He knows the dark thoughts that accompany a tired Remus. Remus does not need Sirius’ bullshit.

They try to climb out of bed, to give Remus the rest he so desperately needs, but Remus’ tight grip on his arm pulls him back in. “Hey, what’s wrong? Where are you going?”. “Back to bed”, Sirius mumbles. “You do not need my bullshit, you go through enough. I am not going to burden you even more”. “Heyheyhey. No. Come here. You are not too much. Look at me”. Reluctantly Sirius looks up and stares into their boyfriend’s brown eyes which are filled with a mixture of worry and love. “Remember when I was hyperventilating in the bathroom before my Potions exam and you squeezed yourself in the stall with me and calmed me down?” “Yeah” “And do you remember when we sat together on top of the Astronomy Tower, and you told me all the reasons why I should stay alive?” “Yeah” “You fucking saved my life that night. You are always there for me, please, let me be there for you now. ” “Okay.” “Okay, now come here”.

Remus pulls Sirius close to him and pulls his blanket over them both. Sirius feels around for Remus’ hands, and he interlaces their fingers, his thumb rubbing Remus’s wrists absentmindedly while he figures out where to start. He feels Remus look at him expectantly, waiting for him to spill the darkness of his soul. “I don’t want to get too deep into it…” he starts hesitantly, “but I had a nightmare about my mother. She was… hurting me. Calling me names. I… I don’t want to talk about it now, but it just makes me feel like shit’. He feels Remus squeeze his hand shortly before he starts to speak. “ I know it makes you feel. I won’t force you into a heart-to-heart at 3am, but I just want you to know that many people disagree with your mom. And I am one of them. So is James, and Peter, and James’ parents. Heck, even McGonagall secretly loves you.” Remus’ lips meet Sirius’ shortly. “I love you.” “Love you too”. Sirius rests his head against Remus’ chest, and he feels Remus’s fingers move over his wrists, trailing the bumps of past mistakes. “Always come to me, okay? We can do whatever but always come to me. I never want you to feel so alone again you feel that is your only way out, okay”. “Okay,” Sirius mumbles.

They look up, into Remus’ eyes, which shine with unshed eyes. They press their lips hard against his lips. Remus kisses him back with the same intensity. They scoot closer to Remus and feel his hands card through their hair. Overcome with fatigue he closes his eyes and falls asleep to the rhythm of Remus’ heartbeat. Maybe, maybe, he’ll be okay. Maybe.

The two broken boys lie so closely together they somehow become whole again.

**Author's Note:**

> While tagging this I discovered there is a Snape/Remus ship and I have feedback. 
> 
> If the ending seems rushed, it's because it is. Enjoy?


End file.
